Pictorial Recap Of My Trip To Kansas

Recently, I took a trip to Kansas to visit my cool cousin Laura who is a Mennonite pastor.

There were also cats there! I love cats. This cat was pretty into me:

Less into me: This turtle 

LESLIE KNOPE WAS RIGHT

We went to lots of museums! Our first stop was the Mennonite Heritage and Agricultural Museum in Goessel. There was lots of stuff to see there, including some interesting garments:

That piece turned out to have a grim but intriguing label:

Death Shroud

Made by Mrs. Elizabeth Schmidt for her husband Jacob, as was required by the Russian government for anyone boarding a ship

"Oh yeah! Immigrating to America is totally fun and easy! Hey though, we do have a strict BYO death shroud policy. You know, just in case. Enjoy the trip!"

-- The Russian Government 

There were also lots of things made out of wheat, like this:

And this:

"Cool! I mean, why NOT make a bell out of wheat?"

"Because it doesn't ring."

"To be fair though, the actual Liberty Bell doesn't ring either."

"That was a sick burn on the Liberty Bell."

I also saw one of the most effective "do not touch" signs I've ever seen, which was on a scary-looking piece of farming equipment:

If you really want people not to touch, add a splash of fake blood

We also went to the Eisenhower Presidential Museum, and had a pants-busting good time:

(I nominate this for the Museum Mannequin Fail Hall of Fame)

There was also cake?

THERE SHOULD NOT BE CAKE

Some Mamie Eisenhower fabulousness:

Also, I hope that their social media campaign encourages people to IKE US ON FACEBOOK because if not that is a missed opportunity. 

In between museum visits I enjoyed some delightful local food. I can verify that there ARE hipsters in Kansas and that--along with proper protocol of burgers with bacon jam and water in mason jars--they have come up with a new innovation of checks arriving in old timey library books: 

I also had a simple diner waffle that would make Leslie Knope feel right at home:

I introduced Laura to Miss Fisher and we watched it outside:

STILL SO GOOD

We went to a bookstore where I found out the new euphemism for Christian romance novels (historical and/or Amish) is "Gentle Reads"

And in a proud moment, I managed to take a selfie with some cows:

THE FULL KANSAS EXPERIENCE

Kansas Adventures

Just after Christmas my parents and I jetted off to Kansas for my cousin Laura's wedding. Before I left, I had more than one conversation like this:

Co-worker: Doing anything fun over the holidays?
Me: I'm going to my cousin's wedding
Co-worker: Ooh, like a destination wedding?
Me: Sort of...
Co-worker: Someplace warm?
Me: Kansas?
Co-worker: Oh. [looks at me with pity]

Actual view from hotel window

But Kansas was actually fun times. First off, there were lots of things that you don't see in Seattle.

Second, the food was amazing. Things that I maybe shouldn't be eating every week, but fantastic "I'm on vacation so yes I want 'salad' that is covered in mayonnaise" comfort food. It seemed like more than half the meals were buffets, including a breakfast buffet with endless cinnamon roles, and a Sunday brunch at a retirement home which had literally 15 choices of pie. On the last night we were desperate for something a little "lighter" and ended up at Applebees. Applebees. Truth be told, part of the reason was that we were also in the mood for some alcohol, and it was Sunday in a nearly dry county and it appeared that Applebees was the only heathen spot that would serve. If you know my parents, you will be as delighted as I was to imagine them at Applebees with margaritas in hand. 

Proof that it happened

You know what else was great about Kansas? The shopping. One afternoon we decided to wander around downtown Newton and found all kinds of great stuff. We walked into a thrift shop and I immediately gravitated toward this vintage purse:

Oh, but I don't need that, I told myself. What would I do with it? Would I ever use it? Well...how much is it?

[checks price tag]

$2

$2!!!

Then we went to a Christian bookstore, and I got to revel in the massive Amish romance novel section. 

...and snicker at the outfits on the covers of the historical novels.

These dresses brought to you by Bob's Discount Halloween Hut of Horrors

We also went to The Kauffman Museum, which had a bunch of Mennonite heritage stuff. My favorite thing was this picture of two women at the Mennonite World Conference in 1967, showing how diverse Mennonite style can be...

Speaking of fabulous Mennonite women, on the last day we visited my Mom's aunt Laura. Laura is my grandmother's youngest sister and stayed unmarried until she was 45. When my Mother was growing up, Laura was working at a shop in the nearest town, living in her own place, socializing with the other single ladies of Glasgow, and decorating her apartment and buying gifts for her nieces and nephews with her sweet disposable income. Today, she is a lively woman in her 80s whose apartment is still better decorated than I fear mine will ever be. She also produced the #1 best quote from the whole weekend. When asked what she was looking forward to in the new year, she thought for a moment, and then said:

"I'm looking forward to going out to eat."

GIRL. YES. I feel that. 

I was back in Seattle in time for New Year's Eve, and attended a party where we decorated shirts with puff paint. Olivia decided to immortalize great-aunt Laura's words. 

Happy New Year! May your vintage finds be cheap, and may all your gastronomic dreams come true!

SYTTD Wichita Edition

Last weekend I was in Kansas helping my cousin Laura find a wedding dress. Laura and I are close in age, both only children, and visited each other a lot growing up--so she is the nearest thing I have to a sister. When I called to congratulate her on the engagement I blurted out, "When are you going shopping for your wedding dress and can I come?" Knowing that I can be kind of an exhausting and intense person, I was pleasantly surprised when she replied, "That would be so helpful! Would you?"

Awesome. All this Say Yes to the Dress watching was finally going to pay off!

We went to four bridal salons, three of which were great, one of which was a total bust. The latter seemed promising because their website advertised dresses in our price range and what seemed like a pretty big selection. But actually the selection was small, most dresses were surprisingly expensive, and an overall feeling of grimness seemed to pervade the shop. In retrospect, my first clue should have been the fact that one of the photos on the website was literally a picture of a teenager texting while wearing a hideously garish prom gown.

This photo sums up our enthusiasm for the store

At the last shop I got really excited because they had a PNINA TORNAI KNOCK-OFF GOWN COMPLETE WITH SLUTTY MESH BODICE.

My cousin, who for some strange reason wanted to keep her midsection covered while getting married in a church in front of her family and friends, did not try it on. I texted Olivia the photo and she asked, "Well why didn't you try it on?"

And at that moment I realized that not doing so would be among my life's greatest regrets.

My other greatest regret from the trip was that David's Bridal didn't try to hard sell us one of their "gown preservation kits," (which we saw them attempting to push on other people). My take down of that B.S. would have been EPIC. Here is how I imagined it:

1) No actual conservator would "preserve" a dress by pumping it with chemicals and then cramming it into a little box.

2) I have actually had the experience of opening a wedding dress that had been "preserved" in a box in the 1950s and it was horribly wrinkled, and reeked of chemicals so strongly that we couldn't be in the same room with it. Also, newsflash, the company that had guaranteed it for 50 years was long out of business. So good luck with that.

3) Skip the bug treatment. No bug wants your 100% polyester wedding dress.

4) In your advertisement you mention "museum quality" muslin. Hmm interesting. There is another name for that. It is called REGULAR MUSLIN.

Greetings from the Fatherland

Last week I actually started writing two different posts but didn't manage to finish either and so wound up letting a week lapse. One was about how successful Fashion First Thursday was at MOHAI, and the other was a manifesto about why I feel okay spending a lot of money on clothes.

The former will probably be published in some form eventually, but here is everything you need to know about First Thursday:

1) It was great

2) You can read about the winning Hourglass Footwear design here.

3) No one really listened to my audio tour, but that's OK because I never listen to audio tours when I go to museums. But if you are really interested you can access it yourself from your cell phone! And listen to me talk about things that aren't in front of you!

(click to expand)

4) Nordstrom brought a bunch of stuff from their archive which gave me total shoe envy because our collection of their stuff doesn't even come close.

Drool.

Always say yes to Rococo-influenced 1930s shoes (far right)

5) The only minor disaster occurred when I made the mistake of trying on something at the Prairie Underground table and now I'm in love and it is imperative that I buy this $275 raincoat.

STOP BEING SO FABULOUS

Huh, I wonder why I started writing a post defending my choices to buy expensive clothes??

At the moment I am in Kansas for a very exciting fashion-related adventure that you will hear about soon. During the plane ride it occurred to me that this year I will have visited both my parent's hometowns. In July I was in the Motherland (Montana) for a cousin reunion, and on this trip I'll be spending some time in Wichita Kansas where my dad grew up. I've already seen three women with Mennonite head coverings!!!